How to Claim Your Positive Attributes and Grow Your Self Esteem
Claiming your positive attributes is a wonderful way to grow your self esteem. Notice the positive qualities you observe in others. Do you see your mother’s compassion, your father’s strength, Oprah’s generosity? Pay attention to this. Notice when you find yourself really in admiration of someone else as you are easily able to see and identify all the amazing qualities they embody. Next time you find yourself in this space, stop and really explore what these qualities are.
Claim Your Positive Attributes
For example, I often marvel at my husband. I witness his ability to be present with the people he loves, to open his heart and not to be afraid of raw emotion coming up inside of him. I think he is so brave to be that vulnerable and I find it so very beautiful.
When I witness him in this space and I idealize the beauty of his expression, I identify with it. By identifying with it I am bringing it forward within myself. This is the process of how I can claim my positive attributes by noticing the way I idealize him.
However (and this next part is often missed!) it is now my job to own it within myself. To claim these qualities as part of myself. To acknowledge that I too, can open my heart and be present with others… that I too have the ability, capacity and the willingness to allow my emotions to surface and to just BE with them.
Everything is a projection. A projection is when we see something in someone else and we disassociate ourselves from it because we are unwilling to not only recognize it in ourselves, but own it. Psychological projection is a defense mechanism. It occurs when a conflict arises between your unconscious feelings and your conscious beliefs. In order to dissolve this conflict, you attribute these feelings to someone or something else.
When we are finger pointing or assigning blame, the same type of thing is happening – but in the negative. I love exploring projections in the positive – idealizations – because it’s a way we can practice easing ourselves into the “not so positive” projections we as humans tend to unconsciously bring upon ourselves. Do you see?
So to review, the process of owning your positive projections, which are your idealizations, is a wonderful way to:
- Identify your positive qualities through Idealizations of others
- Acknowledge those qualities exist within you
- Through ownership of these qualities you build (fortify) your self-esteem
- You grow your confidence and your self-esteem by embracing these qualities
Next time you find yourself in admiration over someone, slow down and make the inner inquiry. What is it that I love so much about this person? What are the positive qualities I recognize in them? Then, stop and realize, those same qualities exist inside of you. Acknowledge these idealizations, and let the self- love flow.
If you are interested in exploring your positive attributes and growing your self-esteem, email email@example.com and inquiry about a Discovery Session. Under the umbrella of Consciousness Rising, Inc is Donna Bond Professional Coaching and Consulting and Paul Bond Fine Art. Both, inspiring your wisdom to raise the consciousness on the planet.
Seeing My Soul Gifts in All That Is
“I am a vibrational ambassador for the world I want to live in.” ~ Michael Bernard Beckwith
There were only twelve people from around the world in this mastermind, and there was Dawn. As soon as I saw her I thought, “Oh no”. I first met Dawn in the lab for my coaching program at USM. She wasn’t in the class with all of us for the ten months leading up to the lab, but she audited the completion portion of the program and participated in the grand finale.
The lab for me was a celebration of all the ways I had grown as a life coach over the last ten months. It was a way for me to shine and to be seen and really stand forward in my authentic power and knowledge in front of my teachers and peers.
But, that’s not what happened.
Dr. Robert Holden was facilitating the coaching lab. I was so excited. He is lovely and when I am with him I am aware that he is the presence of love embodied. He was the keynote speaker at Royce Hall when I graduated with the portion of my Masters in Consciousness, Health, and Healing. On the first day of the lab, I shared with Mary Hulnick how I pretty much cried through Robert’s entire book Loveability, because it was so beautiful. Mary encouraged me to have Robert sign my book this week. I was overjoyed at the thought.
During the lab Robert used a beautiful black top hat (British I presume) to select names of people he would interact with throughout the program. Each time he reached into that hat with his silly half grin and the twinkle in his starry eyes, you could feel the anticipation in the room. You could almost hear everyone’s inner voice, “Pick me, pick me, pick me”. This went on all week. For six days. Every exercise, every assignment, every interaction, a name was pulled from the hat.
For an entire week my name, however, never, ever got pulled out of that hat.
And it was magnified by the fact that I stood in line on three separate occasions during the breaks to have Robert sign my copy of Loveability. Each time, the break would end just as I was next in line. I could feel myself flood with the disappointment and watch the stories in my head I began to make up about not being seen.
To add insult to injury with all of this, we did a beautiful morning exercise each day where we had the chance to hold hands and gaze into the eyes of other people in the room. It was a special and intimate exchange. Robert participated in this each day, but the energy flow never seemed to bring him and I together.
While I was busy being mad that no one was seeing me, Dawn’s name got pulled out of the hat. Then it got pulled out again. And, again. And, again. And, oh my God – why doesn’t he take her damn name out of the hat!!?? Again. She was seen and seen again and again and again. This was a trigger for me and Dawn became my outward projection of Being Seen. Or not.
So, all this happened. And now she’s in my mastermind. In a mastermind where there are only twelve people on the whole planet. And, there she is.
During my first private coaching call with Robert, I briefly share about Dawn. Robert chuckles and acknowledges me for sharing and we both know there is a bigger, deeper more soulful reason that Dawn and I have been brought together. Robert and I don’t talk about this, we just know it and it gets couched. My coaching continues.
We are three-quarters of the way through the Mastermind and surprisingly for me, Dawn has kind of been in the wings. She took a delicious trip through Europe and spent more time in Tuscany than with our group. I was unaffected by her. I was not in her shadow. And that was fine with me.
Then, and I knew it was just a matter of time, her and I get paired for peer coaching. Our coaching theme is My Soul Gifts.
We went back and forth on dates a few times to set our session. She mentions that on Sunday she is unable to meet in the morning as she will be attending Agape International Spiritual Center of Truth. I didn’t think twice in replying to her email and asking her if I could invite myself to go with her. Then, follow with our session. I thought this would be a lovely way for her and me to connect at a deeper level and I had not been to Agape in about 18 years. On some level I knew this union would somehow reveal the mystery of what we had to learn from one another.
She said yes.
We met out front at eleven. She had a couple of family members with her. We shuffled into the row in the beautiful historic LA theatre. Me first, then her family members, then Dawn on the end. We enjoyed a beautiful meditation together and then the service began. Forty minutes in, finally Michael Bernard Beckwith begins his share.
The first thing I notice is he has freed himself from his long braids and is now totally bald. I observe him as a live wire. Literally. He is bursting with aliveness. It’s as if he is unable to contain the energy that runs through him. He is a yeller. All his posse are yellers. At one point I was laughing as the people at the podium allowed their passion to burst through them, they were yelling. I remembered that everything is a projection and reminded my sweet self that is what I sometimes express when I too am filled with excitement and possibility.
Putting into words what occurred for me during Reverend Michael’s share is not easy. I can still touch into the swell in my chest bursting with the emotion of love and gratitude and overflow for this sacred experience and remembering. This little package of a man, this live wire embodied with all the magic and possibility for each one of us, reminded me of my Divinity.
He reminded everyone, and I am sure I must not have been the only one in the room with deep emotion pouring through me. But, in that moment it was all about me.
He held and acknowledged my empathic anguish for a broken world, my shock and dismay for our political climate, my own inner discouragement, doubt, distance, separateness and disillusionment. In a humongous wave of pure Divine Love with the focused trajectory of a shooting star he blasted away everything that was not the Truth. He blasted away anything that was not unlimited Divine potentiality.
“YOU ARE HARDWIRED FOR BLISS AND JOY!” he shouted. Getting everyone to join in asking for us to proclaim after his lead, “There is so much beauty in you, so much love and intelligence in you, so much power in you, and you have come to set it free, to make a mighty difference on this planet and to change the world for the better. Let’s be about this in the here and now. Feel the vibrational field you are creating with each other.” He reminded us that we are all connected because this presence is never absent. He shared about how consciousness proceeds form. With the burst of enthusiasm that he is, he reflected to me all that I AM. He reflected the beautiful example of who I want to be, what I am here to share, what I believe at the deepest level of my beingness.
I sobbed because I created this magnificent reminder. Because I am face to face with the responsibility of creating my own reality and the way it was reflecting to me with such magnitude, presence, grace and balance of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine in the most luscious and juicy way.
I sobbed because in his expression Michael reflected to me, all my Soul Gifts.
He boldly defined with such clarity that humanity IS moving forward, and this is what it looks like to prepare us for a fast and enormous shift forward. That the women’s voice will never be silenced again due to recent events. That, what looks like “going backward” is just the tension of the slingshot being pulled in reverse which is just the preparation for an accelerated shot of evolution.
In every cell, every fiber of my being, I knew this to be true. It was the coaching I needed. Michael was the reminder. Michael Bernard Beckwith is my mirror.
For me and so many.
At one point, he invited all the women in the room to stand and then invited the men to follow his lead in unison, “We honor you, we support you, we support the rising of the divine feminine as the healing power on this planet. We stand with you, you are unmuted, you have power, love, creativity, you’ve got it all, we welcome it on this planet NOW”. And so, it is. Amen.
I couldn’t contain myself. I continued to sob.
Humbled by the remembering of why I am here, of what I am here to do. Reminded so clearly about how it works in the new world, how I want to experience the new earth. Reminded in the reflection of the gifts of my soul.
Inspired and reminded that WE must carry the vibration of the world we want to live in. That WE must BE the vibrational match to what we want. Reverend Michael gifted me with a new mantra I will be using as a checkpoint, a set point, a reference point for my life and my work.
“I am a vibrational ambassador for the world I want to live in.” and “I am prepared for more good than I can imagine”
I shout this from the rooftops. I emanate this as the vibrational frequency I am sending out and that I share with all whom I encounter. This is who I am and how I want to be seen.
My gratitude is spilling over. Even before the service, before Michael spoke a single word, during the meditation I had a deep sense of gratitude that was palpable. There is an energy, a vibration that is held by the beautiful people in this community. And it is real, and I can feel it.
I am in awe of this man and what he is bringing to this earth, what he has created in this Spiritual community and the foundation he has created to support all the Lightworkers, Gods, Goddesses, Teachers, Sages, Oracles, Wisdom Keepers and Healers that have chosen THIS time to be here on THIS planet.
He is a reset for my true north. He is how I see myself and my Soul Gifts.
I looked down my row at Dawn. With my nose running and makeup smeared I mouthed to her, “Thank you”, as I placed my hand on my heart and gaze deeply into her eyes in a gesture of love toward her. “Thank you”. I sat back on my velvet chair supported by the steel stadium seating in the Saban Theatre. I marveled at the silver etchings on the ceiling and the sea of people who were all just here loving each other.
What if coming to Agape today, on this day, was the reason Dawn’s name got pulled out of the hat so many times? What if Dawn was my reflection of what it means to be seen. To stand forward. To BE the vibrational match to who I am and what I want to experience in this life. What if this whole unfolding is just another elaborate and magical way that Spirit has orchestrated for me as a deep remembering of why I am here and what I am here to do and who I am here to be. Dawn is the catalyst for my Soul Gifts and seeing my reflection in all that is.
Yes, let’s go with that.
I am a vibrational ambassador for the world I want to live in. I am alive. I am grateful. I am embodied with love, peace, joy, aliveness, connection, intuition, knowingness. I am my loving nature, majesty, wisdom, resonance, illumination, truth and bliss. I am magic and synchronicity and wonderment. These are the gifts of my soul, and therefore; My Soul Gifts.
I am grateful for the connections, the relationships, the experiences that lift me up, that show me, me – I am appreciating my Soul Gifts and the Soul Gifts of every unique, individualized expression of the Divine. And today, on this day, I am grateful to see myself. And, I am grateful for Dawn.
If you’d like to experience the inspiration of Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith, click here and page down to the Sunday service at 11:30. Reverend Michael begins sharing at 41 minutes.
Daily Spiritual Practice,
Even if You’re Not Spiritual
The pattern among many of my clients this week is the exploration and creation of a daily spiritual practice. When I’m in session with my clients, inevitably a theme will rise to the surface of our conversation that we’ll want to explore deeper. This weeks popular theme is daily spiritual practice.
It just so happens I’m participating in a Mastermind group right now about Success Intelligence with Dr. Robert Holden, Ph.D., and in this same week he suggested that a daily Spiritual practice is a requirement for taking our lives to the next level. Particularly if you want to play big.
“What if I’m not Spiritual?” you may be asking.
That’s perfectly fine, because then we get to work with energy.
So, I would first ask: Do you believe in energy? And that this energy has an intelligence to it that is the breath of life that animates all living beings? This is the energy that powers nature to do what it does all by itself and the same energy that keeps the planets spinning around without crashing into each other—it’s all the same stuff. Some people call it God or the universe, some see it as energy. It’s your choice how to interpret it.
I suggest honoring this energy, for its rewards are manifold. Work with it, play with it, let it flow. Savor its power within you and outside of you. This is the energy that animates you, so why not form a relationship with it? This is the beginning of mastery.
Here’s an example of this: after my first year of daily energy/spiritual practice, I had a prophetic dream that cancer was growing in my chest. My discovery was then verified by doctors who acted to save my life. It’s important to note that it was my spiritual (energy!) practice that created this dream, that allowed me to remember it and know how to process it for my wellbeing. (That story HERE)
So, what do we know about energy?
- Everything is energy
- It can’t be created or destroyed, as Einstein famously stated
- It’s expressed in different forms
- It just is – and it’s everywhere
Plus, energy IS our consciousness. And our consciousness IS how we are interpreting our reality—quite the mind-bender, yes?
Now where you place your focus or attention is where energy flows, because energy exists in every single thought you think and every single word you speak.
Why bother to create a daily spiritual practice?
Generally, people are not disciplined. This is because we force our lives into so many things that we “have to do” that when we have a free moment, we just want to break free. I am inviting you into this practice as a different way to create freedom in your life. Freedom to express, freedom to be who you want to be. Freedom to just be you with no rules or expectations or commitments.
I recommend you slow down and first place your focus on you. You and you. You and this energy—this higher power, this infinite intelligence. Notice it, sense into it, acknowledge this life force that animates you. Build a rapport. Begin a dialogue. Start a life-long conversation.
This energy has information for you.
Make your practice enjoyable. Create a space you love and gather together mind-enriching, heart-expanding “toys.”
My practice is “buffet style.” I start with about 26 minutes of TM meditation. There are a lot of meditation options out there. Then I “feel into” what is calling to me today. What messages are there for me? Is it in A Course in Miracles? Is it in one of my poetry books? The Abundance Book? Do I want to raise my awareness with knowledge about Soul Transcendence? Perhaps I will revisit my affirmations or ideal scenes about what I am creating in my life. I have a stack of Divinity cards I love to pull from. I have gathered together crystals and candles, dream journals and gratitude lists. Each day, following my silent stillness with the universe, I engage my mental and emotional levels of consciousness with whatever my heart is calling for in that moment.
If any of this resonates, here is what my my daily Spiritual practice looks like. Feel free to experiment with any of these ideas to find what feels right to you.
I love it so much and hardly ever miss it! It is the foundation of calm in my life. It is the undercurrent of peace and it’s always there. Through my daily spiritual practice of engaging with this beautiful peaceful energy, I am able to “tap into it” in the midst of chaos because I am intimately familiar with what it is and how to connect to it. My daily spiritual practice is time for me to allow my wisdom to merge with my consciousness. A time to step away from to-do’s and achievements and have to’s, ought to’s and shoulds. This is my time away from work, from responsibilities, from relationships, from my pets and my husband and my clients. This is my time. This is freedom.y daily spiritual practice is how I remind myself every day that the most important person in my life experience is me, and the energy breathing me. Sacred time.
Give it a try. Even if it’s just for five minutes. Intend to be still. You can BE with you. Relate to YOU. Listen to yourself breathe. For just five minutes. And then do it again tomorrow, and the day after that. You may find yourself falling in love. In love with life, in love with yourself, with this energy, with this infinite intelligence. You will support yourself and your life. You will create a foundation of support for yourself to play big.
Even if you’re not spiritual.
Why Taking Action is Key in Transformation
No Matter How Small the Step
One of my favorites distinctions from Master Coach Steve Chandler is Information versus Transformation. It’s all about how we can take in a lot of information from a lot of different places, but until we are willing to get the feedback the universe is sending us – which requires us to step outside of our comfort zone – only then is transformation possible. And, it doesn’t matter how small the step, we just have to take one.
Take Action, no matter how small the step
This distinction, I love mostly because it causes me to reflect on my own process. It wasn’t until age 45 when I began taking intentional action to transform my life and really did begin to see real results. Today, just five years later, my life looks totally and completely different. And I would add, it happened from the inside out.
I was always a Spiritual seeker. Since the age of 15 I read a lot of books, attended a lot of workshops and listened to a lot of audio recordings, but I was taking it in as information, not really letting much of it penetrate and interact with my psyche in a meaningful way.
When you’re talking about your own blossoming as a human being, your own self-realization, simply taking in information from even the best sources are not going to have much impact. And this is why nothing really changed for me then until I starting taking steps, which I’ll cover in a moment.
Many of my clients share the same phenomenon. They’re well-read… but they haven’t actually taken the necessary actions towards achieving their ultimate desires.
Steve gives the best analogy to this, and it’s around when someone wants to learn to play the piano. You can read about it for years. You can study music and even listen to the piano being played. You can watch tutorials and listen to educational programming. But then, if you are invited to the stage to demonstrate what you have learned, you’d likely be in the shit. Playing the piano requires practical application. It requires making mistakes and being open to feedback, so you can tweak your process until your fingers are flying over the keys with ease and then you are sharing beautiful music.
The same is true for our life. READING about how to make changes to this life versus DOING it. I think Nike said it best, right? But how many people read those ads that say “Just do it” and think, “Ah, that’s for somebody else. That’s for the doers.”
In order to bring forward our dreams, we need to take steps in that direction. To experience change, we need to apply what we are reading or learning or listening to by doing something, by taking action. Even if we don’t yet know how, we need to get into motion. “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has Genius, Power and Imagination in it. Begin it now.” – Goethe
I hear from a lot of clients that they read this book and they read that book and they took this seminar and that workshop, yet nothing changes for them. If you are not willing to risk the practical application of new ideas and concepts, new strategies, techniques, tools, etc. by doing something with the information you’re learning, then you are going to remain stuck.
Why don’t you take action then? Perhaps you don’t know how, or you are afraid. Perhaps you are unmotivated. Perhaps, even though you may be experiencing a great deal of discontent in your current situation, you find yourself in a place of familiarity. Even if you are uncomfortable and unhappy it’s easier to stay in that space because it’s familiar, or “the devil you know.”
Whether you know it or not, any time you’ve progressed in your life, anytime you’ve strived and achieved something amazing, any time you’ve transformed, it’s happened outside your comfort zone. This is the place beyond where we typically don’t go very often. And, this is precisely why our ego doesn’t like going there. It thinks it’s helping us by protecting us, but nothing worth getting comes to us without some risk or without some growth.
I recommend the following to encourage transformation:
- Acknowledge the need within yourself to go beyond merely reading and listening
- Step outside of your familiar box
- Take just one little tiny step (combine this with #2?)
- Be willing to take a risk
- Be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become (Charles Du Bos)
- Acknowledge yourself for taking a step
- Take another step
- And another.
What makes transformation transformative is your willingness to get out of your comfort zone. Your ability to be uncomfortable, to risk looking like a fool, to be willing to fail. Placing yourself in a vulnerable, perhaps scary place is the very place that opens you up to feedback from the universe is the only way transformation can occur. Dr’s Ron and Mary Hulnick call this place “The Divine Unknowing.” It’s the place that strengthens our inner compass and builds the muscle of self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem. These are natural bi-products of transcending our fear into courage. They are the natural gifts we receive when we are willing to take action, embrace our aliveness, look at failure as feedback and step out of our comfort zone.
If you are seeking transformation to take action in shifting your life into a place of more joy, fulfillment, happiness and aliveness – reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ve got a comprehensive plan that can assist you in supporting how you want to experience your life.
Taking action is the only way we can get feedback from life and make necessary course corrections along the way. And, it doesn’t matter how small the step.
Happiness Through Pursuit, is Fleeting
Don’t look far to discover the joy of you.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver
You chase a lot of things outside of yourself. You chase jobs, people, promotions, purpose, circumstances, money and happiness believing that when we arrive to the destination, life will be different, better, happier. Happiness through pursuit you may discover, is fleeting.
For those of you who have been around the block a few times and have obtained success and worldly possessions you may have found that happiness attained from things outside of you is actually, well fleeting. It feels good for a few minutes, but sort of like carbohydrates, ultimately you are left feeling empty.
Consider perhaps that the fulfillment you seek is, in fact, not outside of you in some “destination” but rather, inside of you. And, it’s been with you all along, but it’s just been covered up. You don’t have to look far to discover the joy you are looking for.
How can you shift out of the pursuit of happiness in chasing the next best destination and instead begin to cultivate the gems and riches that reside inside of you? And, how can you begin to integrate these gems into your life so that you can live a rich, purposeful, fulfilling, joy-filled existence while you are on this planet?
You can do this by taking the journey inward. The path of self-discovery is not a place to arrive to, but rather an unfoldment of what is already present within you.
Here are ten reasons why you might consider taking the journey in.
THIS is YOUR life. What you trade your time for is what you trade your life for. You can keep putting everyone else first and try to make yourself happy by getting acknowledgement and praise for the things you do, OR you can start paying attention to YOU and how you can support yourself.
Realize that LIFE is a MIRROR. What is happening in our experience is just a reflection of the material we have in our consciousness. Some of that “material” is healthy and balanced and some of it is not. If you are caught up in a repeat performance of things you do not prefer, the only way you are going to be able to change the reflection is through alteration of what is in the inside – not outside.
SELF-LOVE is a PRACTICE. You are so hard on yourself. Especially you women. You take your inner critic everywhere you go and are the first one to chastise yourself. How could your life be different if you were to bring love, compassion, understanding and acceptance to yourself? Begin to praise, acknowledge, recognize, accept and approve of yourself and you will begin to experience the beautiful practice of self-love.
RESPOND instead of REACT. Release reliance on things outside of you to make you happy. Be willing to give up being a “control freak” trying to make sure the entire world behaves as you’d like them to, so you can feel good. Heal the inner pain points that invoke this type of reaction and you can pause to respond instead of react and realize what is happening in life is FOR you, if you choose to see it that way.
DISCOVER WHAT YOU LOVE. What brings you alive? What lifts you up? How can you follow your joy? The alternative is to keep trying to please everyone else in your life and relying on their approval. Every time you put your own needs aside to make someone else happy, you are entering into self-betrayal and self-sacrifice. When you honor what you love, your cup is then full and you can show up for others without feeling depleted.
EMPOWER YOURSELF. Take a participatory and intentional role of designing and creating what you would love to experience in your life. Or, you can live by default allowing life to push you around.
LEARN LIFE MASTERY TOOLS. Discover self supportive tools that will assist you in cultivating a life of joy, fulfillment, happiness and aliveness.
BE IN AWE of your own magnificence. Befriend the voice of the inner critic and discover how incredible you are. Lay down the judgements of yourself and everyone else. Come into the knowing that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
RECOGNIZE the LOVE THAT YOU ARE. Underneath all the patterning and programming and all the installed belief systems you learned from your parents, teachers, schools, religions, government, society, culture, etc. – underneath all the things you were taught, is the TRUTH. The TRUTH that the essence of your essential nature, the TRUTH of YOU is pure Divine LOVE. Discover – or rather remember, that you are a unique, individualized expression of universal energy, having a human experience.
YOU create time to know YOU. Recall your dreams, uncover your longings, come face to face with your discontent, have a revelation, discover what you love and how you want to live your life. Remember who you are. Discover the authentic you.
If this opens your heart and pulls on your soul even a little bit, honor that. To delve deeper into these ideas and more, I have created a women’s retreat called Discover the Authentic You where you will learn life mastery tools to support yourself in taking the journey in for the purpose of living a life that you love – from the inside out. For the purpose of assisting you to discover the joy of you.
The retreat is September 28-30, 2018 and takes place in San Clemente, CA. It includes overnight accommodations at the beautiful Monarch Beach Resort in Dana Point and includes lunch each day with an opening night reception and a closing night dinner.
And most importantly, it includes YOU.
Discover the Authentic You – Spiritual Weekend Women’s Retreat
For all the details, the agenda and to register visit DiscoverAuthenticYou.com
Donna Bond, M.A. is a graduate of the University of Santa Monica where she earned her master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology with an emphasis in Consciousness, Health and Healing.
As a professional life and business coach, spiritual advisor and inspirational speaker, Donna Bond’s work centers on serving individual transformation of consciousness. Assisting individuals and businesses to live into the full potential of their lives, from the inside out. Donna offers inspiring workshops and transformative in-depth coaching programs to assist clients across the globe achieve new heights of meaningful success, personal fulfillment and Spiritual aliveness using the principles and practices of Spiritual Psychology
Create Soulful Connections
by Using “And” Instead of “But”
How do we create soulful connections? Some of the most popular actors in movies of the last decade have come out of the “Improv” world simply by saying “Yes, and…” to their fellow actor in scenes that are improvised. This makes the scene crackle with possibility because everyone’s in the same creative flow, living in the moment.
Doesn’t that sound like fun? Don’t we also respond well when the other person we’re talking to not only acknowledges our point, and builds on it?
Put “but” into the mix, however, and it’s like a record scratch. All of a sudden a previously smooth road has a jarring speed bump in it. Insert even more buts and a potentially joyful interaction can turn into a jolting, unpleasant experience, and we’re not even sure why.
Making the change from “but” to “and” for myself has been hugely transformative, as it has for my clients as well. One in particular started using this technique recently and was able to create possibilities in her life that weren’t available before, so I thought I’d share a little more about it with you.
The question has to be asked: why would well-meaning, good-hearted people like you and the people you know knowingly or unknowingly create this friction in conversation? Consider this:
A group of people are sitting in a circle around a particularly interesting sculpture in the center. Each gazes upon it and develops their unique take on it. Each has their own uniquely distinctive perspective. Some see it straight on, some from the opposite end. Some similar, some very different. Yet, all shared as they sit in this circle together.
I think the world is like this. We all have a different outlook on things.
But then as humans, we hear a perspective that is different than ours and tend to scratch our head and wonder how on Earth can that person not see what I’m seeing?“But their idea is backwards!” normally well-meaning, kind-hearted people will point out. And that my friends, is what we call a judgement.
When our judgments are in play, they keep us separated. In a world where everyone truly is longing for closeness, for togetherness, wholeness, oneness – we must be willing to drop our judgements to allow ourselves to come into alignment and therefore unity with others.
So why is it even a bit toxic to “but” into people’s space?
When we choose to use “but,” in a way we are discounting the other person’s perspective. We are making them wrong by superseding their position or perspective and invalidating their point… and by extension, them. When we use “but” we are making ourselves “right” and the other person “wrong.” “But” keeps us attached to our positionality.
“And” allows us to share and enhance the perspective without discounting or excluding the other person’s point. It’s inclusive, which feels good and even makes us feel secure on a primal level. “And” recognizes that we’re both sitting around the circle with our different perspectives being as worthy as the others.
It seems simple, right? Just change the word “but” into “and” and watch the love flow! If you’ve been “butting” your whole life, however, it will take some awareness around this to create the “and” habit and let things flow.
Give it a try. Notice the next time you’re about to say “but” and instead say, “Yes, and…” I guarantee you will have more of their respect and admiration and maybe most valuable of all, their trust (a form of love). When you have someone’s trust, the most miraculous things can blossom that otherwise wouldn’t have seen the light of day.
Because we’re all in sacred circle with each other, our very humanity at the center, it’s up to us how we engage with it. With each other. And with our Selves. See if this strategy assists you in making soulful connections.
And, so it is.
Check out this article on Thrive Global Here
Under the umbrella of Consciousness Rising, Inc is Donna Bond Professional Coaching and Consulting and Paul Bond Fine Art. Both, inspiring your wisdom to raise the consciousness on the planet.