Self-Care and Self-Love Differences

Self-Care and Self-Love Differences

The Discovery of  Self Love

For years I was quite indulgent in my cyclical self-care practices, believing that was the best way to replenish myself. Back then I was working an average of sixty hours a week. I would wake up thinking about work, plan my day in the shower, throw back a cup of coffee and race into the office by 7:30AM for my 12 hour day. This was the loop of my life.

On the weekends, to make up for the self-depletion I imbued on myself, I would spend most of my time deploying self-care strategies in an attempt to make up for draining my energy resources and life force. My weekends would consist of massage appointments, hair-cuts and colorings, pedicures, manicures, waxing, facials, the occasional body scrub, astrology readings, psychic readings and if I was really treating myself I’d go to a Hay House “I Can Do IT” conference. On the weekends I would take time to eat right and maybe get a little exercise. Further, I never considered doing any of these things during the busy work week. I considered all of this under the category of self-care. After all, these were the things I needed to do to simply restore and revive myself, boost my ego, temporarily feel good and make sure I looked fabulous come Monday morning. And for about twenty-five years, I honestly believed this was all I needed.

Self Love wasn’t even something that registered in my awareness.

Discovering I had breast cancer was the beginning of my journey of loving myself. To me, an obvious correlation to breast cancer is self-nurturing. The breast being the part of the body women use to nurture their children. At a deeper level, I also believe cancer is about an imbalance in the Spiritual and emotional levels. When these imbalances occur, the body suffers.

This experience caused me to reflect on the idea of self-nurturing and explore what this meant for me. I had never considered myself the nurturing type. I opted out on the kid thing and didn’t have a lot of patience for children in general. And because I’m empathic, I spent a lot of time protecting my heart and my feelings from deeply connecting with other people. Mostly because I didn’t know how to manage and regulate my feelings from what they were feeling. As a result, this protection also kept me from tuning into myself. It caused me to remain disconnected and distant. It prevented me from being anywhere near nurturing.

While this was unfolding in my consciousness, I was also aware that I was really hard on myself. I mean REALLY hard on myself. I was my own worst critic. Nothing was ever good enough and I was the first one to point out my flaws. This often came across in the form of sarcasm, putting myself down, calling out the fact that I was wrong. I was never acknowledging myself TO MYSELF for my gifts, talents and accomplishments. It was easy to point out the talents of others since I was frequently seeking outside approval from them, but that’s another post. When I really began examining what it meant to be nurturing I asked myself “what’s missing here?”

The answer was love. Self-love.

Through my journey into self over the past four years, I have come to know the difference between self-care and self-love. And make no mistake, there is a vital difference. Self-love includes self-care, but self-care alone only addresses the physical. Self-love is about inclusion of the whole person – mind, body and Spirit.

Self-love is about paying attention to your intuition and trusting yourself enough to take action on it. Self-love is letting “where you are now” be okay. Self-love is knowing that all the answers we seek are within us. Self-love is taking some time, every single day, to be quietly with yourself. Self-love is taking time every single day to acknowledge the infinite part of ourself that is connected to All That Is. Self-love is gentle discipline. Self-love is slowing down. It is about deeply connecting to yourself and to others. Self-love is listening to your body’s needs. Self-love is finding your voice and using it. Self-love is the revelation of your authentic self as a Divine Spiritual Being and having the awareness that you are here for a reason. Self-love is following your joy. It is about knowing you are guided and protected and that all of life is for learning. Self-love is believing in yourself. Self-love is standing in your truth when everyone else may be telling you that you’re crazy.

Self-love is listening to your feelings with an attitude of caring acceptance and compassion for yourself.

The path to self-love is not found in reading a blog post or by simply experiencing a life threatening illness. It’s about shifting your mind set, your belief systems as you expand along the journey. This can only happen through the unfolding and discovery of self. For your consideration, I invite you to begin self-love today. Go to a mirror. Take a long deep look in your own eyes. Say out loud, “I love you” and know that everything is going to be okay.

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And The Only Way Out is Through

And The Only Way Out is Through

It is in the resistance to the unpleasant parts of our lives that keeps us in the suffering. When our idealized crystal views about ourselves are shattered and the fragments of our soul come spilling over the edge of our lives, it is only in the acceptance that we are able to be free. It is only in the forgiveness of ourselves, for being human, that growth can and will occur. It is only in the allowing of the pain that moves us through. And the only way out is, indeed, through.

In the resistance of what is there in your personal nightmare or tragedy: the wishing it never happened, the push back in disbelief of “how could this be my life?” “How could this happen to me?” “How could God allow this to happen in my life?” In the resistance our suffering is great as we push against what is. What is cannot be rewound, it cannot go backwards—it is what it is. The only answer is acceptance.

To move into acceptance does not make “it” okay, whatever “it” is for you. Acceptance does not mean you asked for it or wished for it. Acceptance by no means is your endorsement of what is. Acceptance is moving into a place of peace, moving into the reality, the allowing of what is—to just be. Acceptance is saying, “I am dropping the resistance because this thing can’t be argued.” “It is the reality of what has occurred, even if I don’t like it.” Only in moving into acceptance can we bring ourselves closer to transcending the awfulness. In moving into acceptance we come into alignment with what is. We become neutral.

Only when we get to the stage of neutrality, only then, can we move into forgiveness. Forgiveness of the circumstances, forgiveness of the resistance, forgiveness of ourselves. To move past the really horrible pieces of our lives, we must forgive life, each other, God, and above all else, we must forgive ourselves.

Forgiveness and acceptance, together, unites—I am human, I am a spiritual being, I am having a human experience. I have made mistakes that are, physical-world reality, defined as bad or wrong or unforgiveable, but on a soul level we know that all of our experiences, and especially the really awful ones, are the ones that put us on the path to growth. On a path of opening to ourselves, to God, and to the beauty of the human spirit. Ultimately, it is these experiences that are wrapped together with the lessons we came here to learn. It’s in the depth of grief and sadness that we can see the truth of who we really are, and it is in the acceptance that we surrender to what is. It is in the forgiveness that we let go of the resistance, the pain, the suffering, and the holding that will stifle our lives for the rest of the time we walk on this planet. And the only way out is, indeed, through.

What Would You Love to Create?

What Would You Love to Create?

Life is short. What we trade our time for – we trade our life for. Imagine a complete system for gaining clarity on what you would love to create in your life and results that will cause a shift and re-program of old negative patterns, increase your positive self-image and up-level your possibility thinking.

If you breathe for the next 365 days, you are going to live another year of your life. You can either live by design or by default. By learning the Dreambuilder Technology one can make the shift from living a condition-driven life into living a vision-driven life. The greatest investment you can make in yourself is your own personal development. And I speak from experience.

Everyone has a dream. What is yours?

A rich relationship with someone supportive, awakened, caring, more loving and fun? Or is it optimal health and well-being? Do you want more flexibility and freedom in movement or acuity of mind? Perhaps it’s a vocation or life purpose that inspires you to expand into your creative expression? Discovering the work you would love to do in the world, or simply showing up differently in your current role with more aliveness being more present and showing up as the true you.

What do you long for? What is your dream?

The opportunity to learn and apply this proven thinking technology will result in a happier, more fulfilled life. After all, isn’t that what we are all seeking?

Give yourself permission to experiment in this 12 week journey. Quickly begin to identify what you would really love and learn the skill set to manifest whatever it is into physical world reality.  Through the process, discover who you truly are along the way. The power of the Dreambuilder technology will support you in providing a framework to make profound and positive change in your life. Not just in the short term, but for life.

The next class launches on Monday August 15th from wherever you are at 6PM PST. The program includes 12 live group coaching calls facilitated by Donna Bond. Mary Morrissey’s proven Dreambuilder Program with audio and workbook. And, access to all recorded calls for listening at your convenience.

Register today and make an investment in yourself. Get the nitty gritty at or Email for more information and to reserve your spot.

Leaning Into Lack

Leaning Into Lack

By Leaning into lack, we can un-kink our hose.

Everyone wakes up feeling lousy once in a while, feeling our lack. Some of us more than others. In the past I used to wake up feeling lousy and lack-luster on a regular basis. Now it’s the aberration, not the norm. Today, I did everything to move myself out of this funk and it seemed nothing was working. I had a massage and went to see my NSA therapist. I experienced a slight shift after that, but then it seemed like a couple of hours later I was back in the same rut, the same funk, the same stuff.

I settled into victim mode and was having a big pity party. This just seemed to be the space that I was going to be in today. It was raining, so I just let it rain. I wanted so much to be in the flow and it just wasn’t happening.

A while later I get a voice mail message from this young whipper snapper coach, Jill. She is thirty something and a go-getter with boundless energy and expansive enthusiasm. Kind of reminds me of me on a good day. In any event, I didn’t feel like calling her back because I just wasn’t in the mood for her cheerful nature. But, in the Spirit of today’s lesson, leaning into it, I did call back. Because I know that when we are feeling lack or resistance around something, we need to un-kink the hose, and this might be it. But I really didn’t want to talk to her. I wasn’t in the mood to be chatty and further, I knew that she wanted to pick my brain, which meant she needed something from me.

Yet I could hear today’s Dreambuilder lesson playing in my head. “Come from the standpoint of giving which naturally activates the law of receiving. This is called the law of circulation.”
So I called her. I was going to give her my time and knowledge, even though I didn’t feel like it. She was doing research for a speech she was giving to a group of 200 women in hospitality. She wanted my feedback about what it’s like to work in the industry, why there is so much burnout and what do people in hospitality want that would make a difference in their lives.

As Jill is a classmate and friend, I was free to be brutally honest with her and in doing so I broke down on the call, crying about my own frustrations about the balance of work and personal life. Jill coached me. She reflected some things back to me that opened my eyes and gave me hope. As it turns out, her message was exactly what I needed to hear. She guided me get back into my flow. But first I had to unkink my hose to allow that to happen. I did just that when I made the choice to call her back and give her my time and attention when I didn’t really feel like doing it. I leaned into it.

The antidote to a feeling of lack, which typically shows up as resistance, is to become a more generous giver. This reactivates the law of circulation and thus allows us to begin receiving again.

As it turns out, when I gave Jill my time and attention, it was beautifully and perfectly circled right back to me.

OCInSite – Choosing Magic

OCInSite – Choosing Magic

Do we want to live a meaningless life filled with happenstance and coincidence or do we want to live a life filled with magic? It really is a choice. It’s actually a perspective.

For so long I questioned what is real? What is true? I’ve come to realize in this existence, in which we do create our own reality, I get to choose what is true for me. And that’s all that really matters. And I choose magic.

The presence of magic is everywhere really. Magic is how the ocean can change colors from one day to the next and magic is in the giggle of a little girl. Magic is hearing the wings of a hummingbird zoom by and seeing him wink as he goes. Magic is the warm buttery goodness of a syrupy hotcake melting in my watering mouth.

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Huffington Post – Transcending the Hook

Huffington Post – Transcending the Hook

How Slowing Down Found My Cancer and Saved My Life

I sat straight up in bed and went over the dream I’d just woken up from. In this dream, I was looking at myself in a mirror. A fish hook was punctured all the way through my left breast. It was a bloody mess, and I found myself fixated on the barb, and the point. I looked myself in the eye and asked out loud, “How am I going to get out of this?” Now awake and in my bed, I suddenly remembered the tiny, pebble sized lump I had felt on my left breast about six weeks earlier and hadn’t thought of since. Wondering if it was still there, I reached up to feel my breast.

Indeed it was.
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